Despite the recent disclosure of secret backroom trade deals and dems sucking up to a lamer than lame, lame duck twenty something percent president, we do have a few things looking up for us. Below are a few reasons not to despair.
Democrats announced today that a new round of investigations into allegations that former product safety guru and perpetual scapegoat Ralph Nader, helped to siphon off research money earmarked for the design and development of ergonomic pooper scoopers that were to be used by americans coast to coast in an effort to deal with the enormous mounds of shit left laying about the nation by current president, George W. Bush. After much talk and speculation whether the democrats had enough spine to continue the program it was quietly shelved until outrage by the netroots brought the issue back into focus. There has been no word as of yet why the program was scrapped, only rumors that it was poorly funded and eventually dropped. Normal pooper scoopers were far too damaging to the carpal tunnel nerve canal when used against such overwhelming piles of shit. Many across the nation thought that in 2006 the newly designed model would finally be implemented, and the cleanup of america would begin in earnest. Majority Leader Harry Reid today said that:
"You can count on us democrats to get to the bottom of this mess, we are actively tracking down leads and stuff, and are looking forward to what Mr. Nader is willing to tell us, if he feels like it. The american people deserve the truth, and the truth is what we are hoping to find eventually, maybe if we can get anyone to testify or bring us some notes or something, that sure would help."
When asked why democrats didn't just refund the program and start building the godamn scoopers that voters gave them a mandate for, he replied"
"It ain't easy being green, it seems you blend in with so many other ordinary things. And people tend to pass you over 'cause you're not standing out like flashy sparkles in the water- or stars in the sky"
Reid then reportedly took out a one-hitter, hit the pipe and headed back to his senate chambers for more intense bipartisan wrangling and a hot steamy shower with a consenting adult legal age intern.
Also House Speaker Nancy Pelosi today told reporters that rumors circulating that house democrats caved in under pressure by President Bush were entirely false, and pointed to a secret backroom corporate approved trade deal
recent bipartison trade agreement Pelosi touted as good for americans. When asked, President Bush responded by saying he liked working with "Nance" particularly when she wasn't "ridin' the danged cotton pony".
Lastly Jerry Falwell is still dead. Thank you Jeebus.